4th November 1811. My New Crush. Phwoooaarrr!

Well now the regiment is installed in the area, and my lovely uncle has visited all the officers, bless him, so they all then visit my aunt, who makes them very welcome, and Kitty and myself make damn sure we are sitting there in our best bonnets having a glorious flirt-fest for like, hours every day. Oh joy, at last something to live for! Colonel Forster, though of course way too old for moi, is a handsome man in his regimentals, and a total darling, making sure his boys (didn’t somebody famous say, a thing of beauty is a boy forever?) get some home comforts in the hospitable drawing rooms of Meryton by introducing them into local society, ie my Aunt Philips, who as Ma’s sister shares her good looks (or the remains of them), and her drop dead gorgeous nieces, well me anyway. Nowadays Meryton’s a man-magnet, it’s mint! We are asked to non-stop dances and teas and dinners and all kinds of amusements. Col Forster has also got pally with Bingley and Darcy and all the oldies, even Ma and Pa, the Lucases, the Longs, so they all have to repay any hospitality with more of the same, it’s like, an oldies’ rule. For once a rule that works! It gives me a chance to regularly clock the hottie that is Captain Carter.

Tall, slim, strong, omigod he fills out his dress uniform a treat, and dances a dream. I think I’m in lurve... I find I breathe faster when he’s in the room, and the effect said breathing has on my cleavage and hence on Captain Carter’s breathing, is nothing short of magical, hence I’ve given nature a hand by wearing tighter corsetry. Overdid it a bit, and fainted, right into his arms, phwooaarr! Swoon, thud! His warm brown eyes gazed right into mine, as he gently raised me and assisted me to the sopha, I can’t bear the thought the officers won’t be here for ever. Why can’t ordinary men wear scarlet?

So as you can imagine, my multi-tasking abilities have been stretched to breaking point, almost, since all these social events have also been chances for Jane and Bingley, and Lizzy and Darcy, to get together. I’ve managed to keep an eye on them in between gazing into the divine features of Captain Carter, you see I don’t always think of myself whatever anybody says. And what I’ve seen, has been pretty promising I have to say. Our Jane is hot for Bingley, though she’d no doubt call it ‘respectful esteem’ or something similarly dull. Her body language is full on, as is his, he has to hold his gloves in front of his breeches in a very marked manner when they’ve been dancing together. Of course Darcy is a very different kettle of water to Bingley, but by an amazing piece of luck, Lizzy is just the girl to get him, and nobody sees it but me! At first, all Arsey D could do was sneer at us all, and her in particular, he kept looking her over like he was looking for faults. I heard through Fanny’s bro, the Netherfield footman you remember, that the sisters are always picking Lizzy to bits, beehatches, and Darcy basically agreed with them at first. Clearly the Bingley sister who isn’t married (and you should see the oxygen thief the older married one is lumbered with!) is plotting to get into Darcy’s pantaloons herself. She little knows who she is really up against...