10th November 1811. Darcy talks balls with Lizzy.

Well last night at the Lucas’ do, I got the chance to see how things are shaping with the fab four. I was looking particularly well, with my hair artfully curled and tumbling about my headdress like a very goddess, all that dunking my head in camomile tea is paying off I think, it deffo looks lighter. I was wearing eau de nil, which brings out the green in my aquamarine eyes to perfection. Captain Carter addressed me as ‘o nymph’, which I think is a compliment, though I had a moment’s doubt it meant something not altogether nice. Then he said I was an enchantress, and danced like a fairy on the sea foam, and other suchlike. While we were dancing, I pretended someone had stood on my foot, so I could lift my dress just a little to check my shoe for ‘damage’, giving just a teeny flash of ankle, and then I engineered he got a follow-up flash of cleavage as I straightened up, he just about went into cardiac arrest with lustful admiration. Which is the best kind, IMO. So I was having a great time, and Kitty was rotating happily with some drummer boy I’d drummed up for her, but I had enough mind-power to notice Darcy, not dancing as per, standing like a longcase clock against the wall, possibly fearing further chocolate attack. He was staring at Lizzy, almost like he was annoyed with her, as she danced about and joked as ever, all hyperactive like she’d got fleas in her shift or something. And I wasn’t the only one who noticed him watching her. Charlotte did, and Sir Will Lucas, and even, wonder of wonders, Lizzy herself! So you can see how obvs it was.

So Lizzy handles this with her signature subtlety, by loudly asking Charls, why Mr Darcy was listening in to her convos, and generally scoping her out? (Not in those words, natch.) Charlotte immediately dares Lizzy to ask D himself, knowing full well she’ll take the bait. Idea being to put D off her, but with the result I’d say with my uncanny knowledge of human behaviour, hem hem, the exact opposite.

True to form, Liz asks Darcy, ‘Did you not think I expressed myself well just now, teasing Col Forster to give us a ball at Meryton?’

 I’m thinking, another ball, yay! Good for you Lizzy. Sometimes she’s not so dumb.

He replies, ‘With great energy, but it’s a subject which always makes a lady energetic.’

Bit sneery you see? We already all know what he thinks of dancing, and soon we knew more. But his eyes were fixed on her, like hungrily, and Charlotte tried another tack. She starts bullying Lizzy, amidst flattery, to sing and play a few songs, and we all know Lizzy’s talent is fairly minimal – I mean, your ears don’t bleed or anything, and most of the right notes get their chance, but it’s not something you’d buy tickets for.

Liz is like, ‘Oh no, you’re a strange kind of a friend! Not before those who must be in the habit of hearing the very best performers!’

Yeah Liz, if you only knew how strange!